A Dilemma: Example 3 (Good news!)

I blogged here and here recently, talking about the “culturally acceptable” practice of spousal abuse in Vanuatu. As I’ve said before, physically disciplining your wife is as commonplace here as disciplining your children is in the Western world, even among Christians.

It’s not easy to shake such a normative practice (in Vanuatu, you likely grew up seeing/hearing your own father and uncles so engaged, and were almost certainly surrounded by the practice in your community). In fact most, if not all, of the women who are currently incarcerated in Vanuatu are there because either [a] they finally decided “enough was enough” and retaliated with a knife when their husband wasn’t expecting it, or [b] they gave birth to an abusive/non-supportive man’s child, and saw no way of relief other than to kill their newborn baby by throwing him down the outhouse latrine, into a dumpster, or into the ocean. This situation has to break God’s heart, and does ours as well.

But there is good news… In particular, I am thinking about two families that have experienced Jesus’ promise of healing and renewal by the Spirit’s power. I’ve heard the stories from one Christian couple, about their pre-Christ relationship. He wasted his family time and money on kava, coming home in a drunken stupor on a regular basis. When his wife angrily shared her displeasure with his activity, he would “show her what happens” (physical abuse) when she disrespected him in such a way. Once she locked him out of the house, and his drunken confusion led him to burn their house down, destroying practically all of their worldly possessions. The vicious cycle of drunkenness, anger, abuse, and hatred seemed like it would never end. But it did. The good news of Jesus Christ brought forgiveness, healing and instruction to this couple and their children, and they are now pillars of the faith in their congregation and their community. They serve as living testimonies to the gospel’s power to change.

A second couple has dealt with similar problems. She went to night-clubs and participated in various associated pursuits. He took part in the usual drunken beatings, including one kick to the abdomen that resulted in a mis-carriage. The bitterness that existed between the two of them was self-evident, as they followed in the footsteps of their worldly upbringing. But when they committed themselves to Jesus as Lord, and began allowing His Spirit to guide them, they began experiencing very positive changes. To see them today, the facts of that old relationship are almost unbelievable as they evidence the fruit of the Spirit. 

While neither of these couples experienced an overnight, “cold-turkey” change, the longterm affect of the gospel in their lives is apparent. Both are true stories of conversion. In fact, when I get down about the work in Vanuatu, and begin feeling like we are just spinning our wheels and wasting our time, I remind myself of these two couples and others like them, and see how God is working in Vanuatu through our efforts - changing hearts and lives. We pray that the cycle of violence is slowly being broken as a new generation of children is being brought up in these Christian homes, where the teaching of Ephesians 5:21-33 is a centerpiece. The problem is systemic and its effects are widespread, but we serve a powerful God and have His good news to share. Please be praying that we can used for good in similar situations.

A Dilemma: Example 2+

I blogged here introducing a dilemma faced in Vanuatu, regarding the general cultural acceptance of spousal abuse. I gave an example from our experiences last year in that post, and here want to mention a couple more.

We recently learned that, while we were away in the States, one of the Christian ladies here in Vila faced some very difficult circumstances. She had been having some health problems last year, and even spent some time in the hospital. We visited her there and tried to help her out as much as we could. We had assumed that the problems (back/stomach) were purely physiological, and hoped that treatment and medicines would remedy the problems. But, a few months ago, it came to light that her problems stemmed from physical abuse. Her husband is not a Christian, and is prone to “disciplining” his wife - so much so that last year he inflicted blows that resulted in a mis-carriage. For the safety of herself and their 5-year-old daughter, she left the house for a time, and sought assistance from the Women’s Center. Problem was, the employees she dealt with there were distant relatives of her husband, and ultimately they were little to no help. When her husband learned of her intentions, he successfully got a restraining order against her, preventing her from being within so many meters of their daughter. As if these facts alone weren’t bad enough, we are talking about one of the sweetest, gentlest Christian women you will ever meet. She regularly visits members in the hospital, never comes to our house without bringing a small gift of food, faithfully attends the assemblies of the church with her daughter, and bears much more fruit through her everyday good works … all in spite of the fact that her husband is unsupportive. The situation breaks our hearts, and we along with other Christians in Vila are trying to be a support to her, and praying for her situation regularly (namely that her husband’s heart will be softened, and that he will yield himself to Jesus). She has since moved back in with her husband, and shared with us last Sunday that she is again pregnant, and needs our prayers for that as well.

We also recently learned some things about a young lady who has been visiting our assemblies in Vila for several months. She is the adult daughter of one of the Christian families in Tulwei Village (Malekula Island - where we spent the past 3 years). She has lived in Vila for several years, working at her uncle’s small shop, and ended up marrying a man here in town last year. Since he was not a member of her particular denomination, she was “excommunicated” by them. Because of her family ties with some in the church, she began visiting with us, much to our delight. Her husband came with her a few times early on, but wasn’t really interested. She is now eight months pregnant with their first child, and with the other two stories we’ve mentioned in this series, it came to light that her husband is also physically abusive and sexually unfaithful. He works on a cruise ship and is therefore gone to sea for months at a time, and is not a Christian. We are obviously hoping to see to her spiritual needs, but also recognize her great need for physical wellbeing. She wants to do the right thing, but sometimes even we aren’t exactly sure what that is.

I won’t belabor the point further, but even now I am thinking of at least two other fine Christian ladies in Malekula who are struggling along the same lines, as their husbands are not Christians.

Please be praying that we will have the wisdom, understanding and opportunity to help these and other ladies in their endeavor to sustain peaceful and safe lives. We feel so helpless at times, but know that our God is bigger than these trials, and that He can work through His people to bring about wide-scale change.

Oh, my Vanuatu: The Mother of Invention

The cliche has proven true time and again, perhaps nowhere more so than in Vanuatu … necessity is the mother of invention. This certainly shouldn’t be interpreted as a complaint, because we really do almost always find a way to accomplish what needs to be done. Sometimes it just takes a creative use of available resources.

For instance, I recently walked into the kitchen of our short-term accommodation to find my lovely wife making tortillas. No plastic mat? No rolling pin? No problem! Just turn a cake pan upside down and roll out the dough with the yoghurt maker canister.

I could also tell you about using a household light switch to manually override the glow plug wiring in our first truck, or cutting off the top of a coke bottle to use as a funnel, or lining a 5-gallon bucket with a grocery bag to use as a toilet, or using a rock as a hammer and a butter knife as a screw driver, or cutting a section of tree stump for a step stool, or…

It all makes for an exciting life!  Oh, my Vanuatu ;)

Transitions

It seems too silly to be true really, like a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood or a banker who doesn’t understand basic financial principles, but it’s true … I don’t do transition well. That’s silly, because my life has been a long series of transitions for well over 10 years now (college to "the real world" to Bear Valley to Vanuatu … Port Vila to Malekula to Oklahoma Christian to Port Vila again).

Surely I’ve gotten better at adjusting to change over the years, but I am still amazingly susceptible to culture shock. Even just moving from one short-term accommodation, to another, and into our permanent rental has thrown me for a bit of a loop. It’s hard to describe really, but most of you have read about or experienced enough culture shock to know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in a bit of a rut, without much clarity as to how to get out. I think it's all exacerbated this time, because our teammates (the Bakers) are no longer here or (Mike Olson) are about to depart.

I want to provide a secure and loving environment for my family (God’s provision makes this relatively easy), I want to be active in my community in honor of Jesus, I want to edify and encourage my Christian brothers and sisters here in town and in the villages. In a word, I want to be “useful” in God’s mission. But so often, when caught in transition, I find it difficult to achieve these goals. 

And so, I ask you to pause for a moment and say a prayer on my behalf, especially because about the time I get adjusted to my new surroundings in Vila, it will be time to make a trip to Tanna, and a few weeks later to Malekula. I love Vanuatu and the work God has given us to do here, and really want to be an effective worker. Your prayers and encouragement along those lines are much appreciated!

Oh, my Vanuatu: Lost in Translation

NOTE: There was a popular string-band song in Vanuatu when we first arrived that repeated the phrase "oh, my Vanuatu" several times. It was frequently played in the arrivals lounge of the airport. Over the years, out team adopted the saying, reciting it tongue-in-cheek whenever we experienced something that could happen "only in Vanuatu." I thought I'd start sharing some of these lighter moments as a blog series this year...

I could probably do a whole "lost in translation" series of these OMV posts, because so many of the products sold in Vanuatu come from non-English speaking countries, and the "loose" translations on products are often quite comical.

While we are searching for a house, we have been staying in short-term accommodations in an area of town called "nambatri" (designated "number 3" by the US army during WW2). As I was walking to town a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a new Chinese restaurant on the way that happily bills itself as one that offers "characteristics of burned taste." Sounds appetizing, yes?!? Of course, I assume they intended to portray something more along the lines of "chargrilled", but this particular way of saying it brings a smile to my face every time I walk past. Maybe we'll have to stop in sometime for a taste?

"Oh, my Vanuatu!"

A Dilemma: Example 1

Women in Port Vila march thru town to bring awareness to the abuse problem. Photo credit: AusAID

One of the most challenging issues we face culturally in Vanuatu is domestic abuse. While I get the sense the situation has improved drastically over the past few hundred years, specific scenarios continue to break our hearts and make us wonder what the right answer is.

Before we left Malekula in the middle of last year, a woman had begun attending the studies and assemblies of the church in Tulwei Village. She had noticed a marked change in life of a local Christian family that lived nearby, and wanted to investigate. To say she has a humble, sweet spirit would be an understatement. And the effort required to prepare food, wash and feed her young children, and walk 15+ minutes in the heat to take part in our weekly assemblies was great.

A non-practicing Catholic for all of her life, she was for the first time studying her Bible and being blessed by Christian fellowship … we could see faith taking root. And then, all of sudden, after a few months of practically perfect attendance at all functions, she quit coming altogether. When a Christian friend expressed concern to her, we learned that her husband had “blocked” her from any future association with the church. You see, her husband practices black magic, casting spells on enemies for compensation, and he did not want a Christian influence in his home.

I had a friendly relationship with her husband, having visited with him casually many times (by the oceanside near his house, on the soccer field, at a wedding ceremony, etc.), and felt like I had a decent relationship with him. He is probably about 40 years old, has an extremely deep voice, and has some of the most defined muscles I’ve ever seen on a ni-Vanuatu man (and they are all quite sinewy). In fact, I vividly remember meeting him initially and thinking (proverbially), “man, I sure want to be on this guy’s side in a fight” - he is literally an intimidating presence. 

However, I knew all to well that a visit from me (or any of us) inquiring about his decision regarding his wife’s participation with the church could very likely end in a severe physical beating for his wife (and perhaps his kids). It is well-known that such blows have been leveled on her before, with general cultural acceptance … the thought of it even now makes me nauseous. Thus our dilemma: sit back and let this soul fall away before her faith ever had a chance to blossom, or take action that will likely result in mayhem?

I talked with local Christians about the situation, and they agreed with my concern. In fact, due the general acceptance of domestic abuse, their natural suggestion would be to “live and let live” and just move on. Upon further consideration though, we decided that first and foremost we would pray for the situation, specifically his heart, and it was determined that we would not address the issue with her husband directly. The plan of action was that we would attempt to show this family the love of Christ at every opportunity. The ladies class would visit her occasionally at their house, just to say hello and offer a prayer. The men would actively seek to engage the husband in everyday activities (in the garden, on the way to town, etc.). To date, our efforts have not been fruitful, but so long as I am alive I will be thinking about and praying for this family in Brenwe (“brin-way”) Village. Would you join us?

Oh, my Vanuatu: Health Care

NOTE: There was a popular string-band song in Vanuatu when we first moved here that repeated the line “Oh my, Vanuatu” several times. It was usually played in the arrivals lounge of the airport. Over the years, our team adopted the saying, reciting it tongue-in-cheek whenever we experienced something that could happen“only in Vanuatu.” I thought I’d start sharing some of those funny/frustrating stories this year…

My last OMV post reminded me of another Hospital experience. Some of you have heard it already, because we tell the story whenever someone asks me about the health care conditions in Vanuatu.

As a part of the adoption application process, Shawnda and I had to have medical certificates from the hospital. After taking my vitals and completing the eye chart, the nurse handed me a coffee mug and pointed me to the bathroom. I filled the mug, walked back through the waiting room (very awkward, I must say), where the attendant put a few drops of liquid into my sample. It passed the test, he dumped the contents into the sink, sloshed some water in it, and turned it upside down beside the sink for the next patient.

And that, my friends, is this week’s “oh my, Vanuatu” moment ;)