A Dilemma: Example 2+

I blogged here introducing a dilemma faced in Vanuatu, regarding the general cultural acceptance of spousal abuse. I gave an example from our experiences last year in that post, and here want to mention a couple more.

We recently learned that, while we were away in the States, one of the Christian ladies here in Vila faced some very difficult circumstances. She had been having some health problems last year, and even spent some time in the hospital. We visited her there and tried to help her out as much as we could. We had assumed that the problems (back/stomach) were purely physiological, and hoped that treatment and medicines would remedy the problems. But, a few months ago, it came to light that her problems stemmed from physical abuse. Her husband is not a Christian, and is prone to “disciplining” his wife - so much so that last year he inflicted blows that resulted in a mis-carriage. For the safety of herself and their 5-year-old daughter, she left the house for a time, and sought assistance from the Women’s Center. Problem was, the employees she dealt with there were distant relatives of her husband, and ultimately they were little to no help. When her husband learned of her intentions, he successfully got a restraining order against her, preventing her from being within so many meters of their daughter. As if these facts alone weren’t bad enough, we are talking about one of the sweetest, gentlest Christian women you will ever meet. She regularly visits members in the hospital, never comes to our house without bringing a small gift of food, faithfully attends the assemblies of the church with her daughter, and bears much more fruit through her everyday good works … all in spite of the fact that her husband is unsupportive. The situation breaks our hearts, and we along with other Christians in Vila are trying to be a support to her, and praying for her situation regularly (namely that her husband’s heart will be softened, and that he will yield himself to Jesus). She has since moved back in with her husband, and shared with us last Sunday that she is again pregnant, and needs our prayers for that as well.

We also recently learned some things about a young lady who has been visiting our assemblies in Vila for several months. She is the adult daughter of one of the Christian families in Tulwei Village (Malekula Island - where we spent the past 3 years). She has lived in Vila for several years, working at her uncle’s small shop, and ended up marrying a man here in town last year. Since he was not a member of her particular denomination, she was “excommunicated” by them. Because of her family ties with some in the church, she began visiting with us, much to our delight. Her husband came with her a few times early on, but wasn’t really interested. She is now eight months pregnant with their first child, and with the other two stories we’ve mentioned in this series, it came to light that her husband is also physically abusive and sexually unfaithful. He works on a cruise ship and is therefore gone to sea for months at a time, and is not a Christian. We are obviously hoping to see to her spiritual needs, but also recognize her great need for physical wellbeing. She wants to do the right thing, but sometimes even we aren’t exactly sure what that is.

I won’t belabor the point further, but even now I am thinking of at least two other fine Christian ladies in Malekula who are struggling along the same lines, as their husbands are not Christians.

Please be praying that we will have the wisdom, understanding and opportunity to help these and other ladies in their endeavor to sustain peaceful and safe lives. We feel so helpless at times, but know that our God is bigger than these trials, and that He can work through His people to bring about wide-scale change.

Oh, my Vanuatu: The Mother of Invention

The cliche has proven true time and again, perhaps nowhere more so than in Vanuatu … necessity is the mother of invention. This certainly shouldn’t be interpreted as a complaint, because we really do almost always find a way to accomplish what needs to be done. Sometimes it just takes a creative use of available resources.

For instance, I recently walked into the kitchen of our short-term accommodation to find my lovely wife making tortillas. No plastic mat? No rolling pin? No problem! Just turn a cake pan upside down and roll out the dough with the yoghurt maker canister.

I could also tell you about using a household light switch to manually override the glow plug wiring in our first truck, or cutting off the top of a coke bottle to use as a funnel, or lining a 5-gallon bucket with a grocery bag to use as a toilet, or using a rock as a hammer and a butter knife as a screw driver, or cutting a section of tree stump for a step stool, or…

It all makes for an exciting life!  Oh, my Vanuatu ;)

Transitions

It seems too silly to be true really, like a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood or a banker who doesn’t understand basic financial principles, but it’s true … I don’t do transition well. That’s silly, because my life has been a long series of transitions for well over 10 years now (college to "the real world" to Bear Valley to Vanuatu … Port Vila to Malekula to Oklahoma Christian to Port Vila again).

Surely I’ve gotten better at adjusting to change over the years, but I am still amazingly susceptible to culture shock. Even just moving from one short-term accommodation, to another, and into our permanent rental has thrown me for a bit of a loop. It’s hard to describe really, but most of you have read about or experienced enough culture shock to know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in a bit of a rut, without much clarity as to how to get out. I think it's all exacerbated this time, because our teammates (the Bakers) are no longer here or (Mike Olson) are about to depart.

I want to provide a secure and loving environment for my family (God’s provision makes this relatively easy), I want to be active in my community in honor of Jesus, I want to edify and encourage my Christian brothers and sisters here in town and in the villages. In a word, I want to be “useful” in God’s mission. But so often, when caught in transition, I find it difficult to achieve these goals. 

And so, I ask you to pause for a moment and say a prayer on my behalf, especially because about the time I get adjusted to my new surroundings in Vila, it will be time to make a trip to Tanna, and a few weeks later to Malekula. I love Vanuatu and the work God has given us to do here, and really want to be an effective worker. Your prayers and encouragement along those lines are much appreciated!

Oh, my Vanuatu: Lost in Translation

NOTE: There was a popular string-band song in Vanuatu when we first arrived that repeated the phrase "oh, my Vanuatu" several times. It was frequently played in the arrivals lounge of the airport. Over the years, out team adopted the saying, reciting it tongue-in-cheek whenever we experienced something that could happen "only in Vanuatu." I thought I'd start sharing some of these lighter moments as a blog series this year...

I could probably do a whole "lost in translation" series of these OMV posts, because so many of the products sold in Vanuatu come from non-English speaking countries, and the "loose" translations on products are often quite comical.

While we are searching for a house, we have been staying in short-term accommodations in an area of town called "nambatri" (designated "number 3" by the US army during WW2). As I was walking to town a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a new Chinese restaurant on the way that happily bills itself as one that offers "characteristics of burned taste." Sounds appetizing, yes?!? Of course, I assume they intended to portray something more along the lines of "chargrilled", but this particular way of saying it brings a smile to my face every time I walk past. Maybe we'll have to stop in sometime for a taste?

"Oh, my Vanuatu!"

A Dilemma: Example 1

Women in Port Vila march thru town to bring awareness to the abuse problem. Photo credit: AusAID

One of the most challenging issues we face culturally in Vanuatu is domestic abuse. While I get the sense the situation has improved drastically over the past few hundred years, specific scenarios continue to break our hearts and make us wonder what the right answer is.

Before we left Malekula in the middle of last year, a woman had begun attending the studies and assemblies of the church in Tulwei Village. She had noticed a marked change in life of a local Christian family that lived nearby, and wanted to investigate. To say she has a humble, sweet spirit would be an understatement. And the effort required to prepare food, wash and feed her young children, and walk 15+ minutes in the heat to take part in our weekly assemblies was great.

A non-practicing Catholic for all of her life, she was for the first time studying her Bible and being blessed by Christian fellowship … we could see faith taking root. And then, all of sudden, after a few months of practically perfect attendance at all functions, she quit coming altogether. When a Christian friend expressed concern to her, we learned that her husband had “blocked” her from any future association with the church. You see, her husband practices black magic, casting spells on enemies for compensation, and he did not want a Christian influence in his home.

I had a friendly relationship with her husband, having visited with him casually many times (by the oceanside near his house, on the soccer field, at a wedding ceremony, etc.), and felt like I had a decent relationship with him. He is probably about 40 years old, has an extremely deep voice, and has some of the most defined muscles I’ve ever seen on a ni-Vanuatu man (and they are all quite sinewy). In fact, I vividly remember meeting him initially and thinking (proverbially), “man, I sure want to be on this guy’s side in a fight” - he is literally an intimidating presence. 

However, I knew all to well that a visit from me (or any of us) inquiring about his decision regarding his wife’s participation with the church could very likely end in a severe physical beating for his wife (and perhaps his kids). It is well-known that such blows have been leveled on her before, with general cultural acceptance … the thought of it even now makes me nauseous. Thus our dilemma: sit back and let this soul fall away before her faith ever had a chance to blossom, or take action that will likely result in mayhem?

I talked with local Christians about the situation, and they agreed with my concern. In fact, due the general acceptance of domestic abuse, their natural suggestion would be to “live and let live” and just move on. Upon further consideration though, we decided that first and foremost we would pray for the situation, specifically his heart, and it was determined that we would not address the issue with her husband directly. The plan of action was that we would attempt to show this family the love of Christ at every opportunity. The ladies class would visit her occasionally at their house, just to say hello and offer a prayer. The men would actively seek to engage the husband in everyday activities (in the garden, on the way to town, etc.). To date, our efforts have not been fruitful, but so long as I am alive I will be thinking about and praying for this family in Brenwe (“brin-way”) Village. Would you join us?

Oh, my Vanuatu: Health Care

NOTE: There was a popular string-band song in Vanuatu when we first moved here that repeated the line “Oh my, Vanuatu” several times. It was usually played in the arrivals lounge of the airport. Over the years, our team adopted the saying, reciting it tongue-in-cheek whenever we experienced something that could happen“only in Vanuatu.” I thought I’d start sharing some of those funny/frustrating stories this year…

My last OMV post reminded me of another Hospital experience. Some of you have heard it already, because we tell the story whenever someone asks me about the health care conditions in Vanuatu.

As a part of the adoption application process, Shawnda and I had to have medical certificates from the hospital. After taking my vitals and completing the eye chart, the nurse handed me a coffee mug and pointed me to the bathroom. I filled the mug, walked back through the waiting room (very awkward, I must say), where the attendant put a few drops of liquid into my sample. It passed the test, he dumped the contents into the sink, sloshed some water in it, and turned it upside down beside the sink for the next patient.

And that, my friends, is this week’s “oh my, Vanuatu” moment ;)

Debrief

Wow, five months can really go by fast. It’s hard to believe that August 3 was so long ago (feels like just a few weeks). Our most recent (and longest) visit to the States was indescribable, but I’ll go ahead and attempt to give an overview here, as I sort of “debrief" myself :).

Family & Friends: Hands-down, the thing we miss most about the US is the relationships. It’s kinda good that we don’t even realize that we’re missing it while in Vanuatu, but it tends to hit us like a ton of bricks when we get to experience it, especially for a prolonged amount of time. We love Vanuatu, feel like it’s our home, and truly have a “family” here. But, we’ll always be just a shade shy of being ni-Vanuatu (due to culture, custom and language barriers), which means we cherish times with our American friends and family. We had some INCREDIBLE times over the past five months, making new friends, rekindling old friendships, and spending a lot of quality time with family and great friends. What a blessing! Of course, experiencing that kind of relationship non-stop for so much longer than we’re used to makes it that much more abrupt to return to our Vanuatu-life. Rest assured, we’ll get back into the groove here as soon as possible, but we will continue to cherish in our hearts our wonderful time together, and patiently look forward to our next opportunity.

Holidays: As I’ve hinted at in the last paragraph, spending time in the US was a great blessing. At the top of our list was the blessing of opportunity to be with our families at Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first time since 2004. Thanksgiving isn’t really celebrated in Vanuatu (of course), and though Christmas is, it’s hard to catch the spirit when it’s so hot and humid (December is the beginning of summer in the southern hemisphere). We were in Houston for Thanksgiving with my extended family (fun, food, football and films), and spent Christmas in South Fork, CO, with both sides of the family (more fun, food, skiing and sledding). My mom said all she wanted for Christmas was all her kids and grandkids together, and she got it!

OC: I can still vividly remember receiving an email early last year from Kent Hartman at Oklahoma Christian University, asking us to consider applying for the Visiting Missionary position there for the Fall 2013 semester. We were interested in the opportunity, but both Shawnda and I dismissed the possibility pretty quickly, assuming we just had too many other things on our plate. Little did we know that this was a door God was opening at JUST the right time. First, it coincided with our previously scheduled furlough quite nicely. It also allowed us to have our “own place” while on furlough, which meant we weren’t living out of suitcases the entire time. The house they provided was perfect for homeschooling, having overnight guests (including our parents several times), and having students and friends over for dinner. We were in the same town as my brother and his family for the first time ever, and enjoyed the opportunity to assemble with them regularly at the Edmond Church of Christ (where our Bible class availed us of wonderful new friends…some of whom we’re hoping will come visit us in Vanuatu - hint, hint). Our experience as Visiting Missionaries was second-to-none. The administration, faculty and staff treated us wonderfully, and we thoroughly enjoyed getting to know so many students (who, oddly enough, simultaneously made us feel both old and young!). Lord willing, we’re looking forward to hosting four of them as interns or apprentices next summer, and hope that a few others will come visit too (hint, hint).  God knew just what we needed at this particular juncture in our life, and He provided.

Extras: Being in one place for an extended amount of time meant that Titus could attend weekly occupational therapy sessions. As we’ve suspected for quite some time, he has a mild case of sensory processing disorder, and these few months of therapy helped us all better understand how to help him cope with his sensory issues (and he thought it was the best thing ever). Alexis is officially a ballerina, having taken several months of ballet lessons from the Tippy Toes Studio in Edmond. They provided a very laid back atmosphere, which was exactly what we were looking for. Alexis is looking forward to continuing her career in Port Vila, and Titus is looking at starting Karate or Archery for his extra-curricular activity.

Difficult times: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the struggles we have faced over the past several months. Thankfully, we’ve had opportunity to visit with most of you regarding the specifics of our situation. Losing a sponsoring congregation after almost 9 years together (as well as a few other financial supporters) was a very difficult process to go through, but like they say “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.” There were some dark days as we wondered whether or not we would have the funding to return for Phase 3 of our work in Vanuatu, but the Lord provided richly for our needs, with our final $500/mo need being met the morning we departed from the US. Another positive is that we were never treated harshly, and even the relationships that were ended were done so amicably. In the midst of our experience, I was visiting with a good friend about what we were experiencing and mentioned feeling lost in it all, and he (very wisely) responded, “Eric, you aren’t lost, you're growing.” It got me to thinking that Scripture does indeed use some “painful” terminology (e.g. pruning, discipline, etc.) to describe Christian growth. Looking back, it was actually an amazing experience … as one door closed, God opened another. And I believe we really have come out the other side stronger and more faithful Christians, better equipped than ever to serve in God’s mission. And we couldn’t be happier with our new sponsoring congregation, the Perkins Church of Christ (located in NE Oklahoma).

Future: Twelve months ago (though it seems like just yesterday) we were excited to announce our “missionVanuatu:2025” initiative. The primary reason for the 12 year timeline was the ages of our kids (now 7 and almost-6). Our primary mission field is our children, and we are very considerate of how a major culture change would/will affect them. It was our understanding that the “danger zone” for such a move was between the ages of 8 and 16, and since our children were right at that age and we didn’t think it was time to leave Vanuatu, we thought it best to commit to stay throughout their high school years. Having now had the opportunity to visit with some who have done extensive research in this “Third Culture Kid” area (another blessing of being where we were, when we were!), we better understand that the “zone” really starts around the age of 10 or as late as 12, which means we do still have a three to five year window. As we discussed with most of you in person, our interest and hope is still to remain in Vanuatu through 2025, but keeping our children’s ages in consideration, wisdom dictates that we should firmly commit to the next four years, and reevaluate our future at that time. We would appreciate your prayers as we seek to do God’s will over the near term and long term.

Last but not least, a special thanks to those who supported us financially during our stint in the US - it was truly a blessing for which we are very grateful. Have a blessed 2014! We are praying for you all…